Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
