I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
