just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
