meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
