I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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