OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
