do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm at about main and main street
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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