I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
