Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
