Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
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