Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize