Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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