i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize