Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
