I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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