HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You left your phone here
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