You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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