Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
