dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize