I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
