her vagine was all disorganized.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
