I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
