I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We're too hungover to prance.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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