Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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