if i can run in heels then i can drive
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
COCAINE IS GR8
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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