This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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