i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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