Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
