I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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