...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
