I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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