Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
