it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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