I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
