the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
