I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
