my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
