i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
