The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
