They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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