____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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