I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
