did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
