So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
