Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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