That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
