Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
