a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
