The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
