oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
i need some magic done to my vagina
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
