Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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