:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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