I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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