The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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