I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
