I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
