His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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