I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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