Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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