I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
