There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize