I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Too much gin, very little bucket
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
