That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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