i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
