And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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