So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
