two words: eviction party
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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