when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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